I need Medicaid Expansion

Since our state refuses to expand Medicaid I may never be able to return to full time work unless by some miracle I find a job with full benefits I can afford. As it stands I am not healthy enough to work full time but I probably would be if I was able to go to the doctor and take my medications as prescribed. When I stopped working I was able to get medicaid for a short while but when my monthly child support went from under $500 a month to $800 a month I lost it. So now I can't see my specialist. I can barely see my family doc. I can't afford my regular blood tests or the further testing recommended to rule out what may be wrong with me past fibromyalgia.

My kids get to see their mother cry herself to sleep many nights due to pain-sometimes I don't sleep at all. My main prescription is $200 a month that is not counting the $150-$200 for the other 4 sometimes 5 drugs that enable me to move or the supplements (doctor recommended) that help keep me mobile. I know that I am not alone and my story is one of the least tragic. Thankfully I am just in pain (many days a 8 on the pain scale) and not experiencing-to my knowledge-anything life threatening. If I was I wouldn't know it and it wouldn't matter because my state would just let me stay sick until it got tragic.

This is where we are in this country and state. I sat in a medicaid appropriations meeting where the director of Medicaid for Mississippi said how bad it would be if all the people currently eligible for medicaid actually signed up. Think about that-he actually thinks it's a bad thing if he does his freaking JOB because it will cost the state MONEY! The lives of poor/ working class people don't matter. Politicians in our state have decided giving tax breaks to companies that don't pay their employees enough so they can afford insurance is more important. That is where we are in Mississippi. We cut taxes on Walmart, Target and others so they can pay so little that their employees need Medicaid they can't get.


For thousands of Mississippi workers they will always make too much to qualify and they will probably always be too poor to afford health care. That is way the ACA (Obamacare) called for Medicaid Expansion. It was to catch all the people caught in between. The working poor people. The people working 2, 3 and 4 part time hourly jobs to make it. The ones who were never quite cut out for college not because they are stupid it just isn't their thing. The ones who are self employed but are just getting by. Those people would finally have health care through Medicaid Expansion. I am not sure how anyone can argue that a healthier workforce is not better for our state. It makes no sense to me. I want to be as healthy as a can be. I want to work. I went to college so I could work, I studied a trade so I can work. I am trained, skilled and talented. Instead of working many days I'm at home in pain. That doesn't have to be my story

5 Lessons of a Abortion Clinic Escort

 Most people know that the 22nd of January marked the 40th anniversary of Roe vs Wade and as such the clinic and really Jackson as a whole was under siege by an anti choice "activist" group named Operation Save America/Operation Rescue. I write activist in quotations because they need to be classified as a terrorist organization. Many incidences of clinic violence in this country have links to their members. Several people who hang out with them are also linked to or members of an extremist group known as The Army of God (click hyperlink for scary documentary regarding them). These past few months have marked the first time I have worked as a volunteer clinic escort at the Jackson Women's Health Organization in Jackson Mississippi. JWHO is Mississippi's ONLY abortion provider in the state. This makes them the target of constant harassment from anti choice groups not only local but national. In this time as a clinic escort I have learned some lessons that I will carry with me for life. I have become the keeper of women's abortion stories and literally used my body as the shield between people who shame and intimidate women when they access legal medical care in a country that guarantees freedom and privacy. These are the five lessons I want to share.

1. Clinic harassment is worse than you think-
   When most of people have the occasion to drive past a clinic they may see people standing outside possibly with big bloody signs. Perhaps they notice people praying or singing while holding pamphlets out to patients. To most they seem awkward, maybe obnoxious, even righteous, annoying but not menacing, certainly benign. Yet if you take the time to sit outside the clinic for even a moment you would see a different scene. You would get to see protesters taking pictures of patients and staff going in and out of the clinic. You would see anti choice protesters shouting at patients, stopping their cars in the street, following them and yelling into their ears as they walk.  Calling them murderers telling them they will NEVER be the same, that the clinic wants to kill them and their baby.  You would see grown men stalk women all the way to their vehicles after being asked to leave them alone. You would see protesters scream as if they are being stabbed to supposedly mimic the screams of babies. There is the non stop preaching and singing on most days. They tell women constantly they can help them get forgiveness only AFTER they admit what they have done. Then claim they aren't shaming them. You would hear anti choice extremists harass workers and clinic escorts by saying "you will one day be tried for war crimes", "you have blood on your hands", "your work caused the school shootings", and asking “if they wished their mother aborted them” and  “aren't you glad your mother didn't know you were short she would have aborted you”. There is a protester at the clinic I escort at that routinely tells my teenage daughters and I to commit suicide and to play in the traffic. It never stops rain, shine, heat or freezing cold they are there to shame and demean women whose only offense is accessing LEGAL medical care in America.
2. Anti choicers/Pro lifers use racially biased messaging-
   Awhile back in New York City a billboard popped up with the picture of a young African American child on it with the tagline "the most dangerous place for a African American is in the womb". The billboard funded by a white anti choice group that found some black spokespeople put it up during Black History Month. This type of racialized conversation around abortion isn't new. Groups have also placed billboards around Atlanta saying black children are an endangered species. (although I didn't know we were another species). This messaging doesn't stop at billboards it is alive and well at clinics EVERYDAY. I know in Jackson we hear it. While white women hear the standard "don't kill your baby" or are much more likely to hear "choose adoption, let us help you" black women get barraged with "you are HELPING WHITE PEOPLE KILL BLACK BABIES" "DO YOU KNOW 80% OF THE BABIES KILLED HERE ARE BLACK" "do you know abortion is a plot by Margaret Sanger to exterminate black people". They even have a handout especially for black women citing a study (incorrectly) claiming that the higher incidence of abortion among black women causes infertility. They hurl racial arguments at the black women who work and volunteer at the clinic too. Even though most will openly tell you they don't support ANY of the programs that help the disproportionate number of poor women of color in Mississippi. 
3. There is no such thing as “elective abortion”-
   This is a term I have heard for years it is even a term I myself use to use. However, I am here to say I no longer use it and don't believe in the existence of such an occurrence  Each patient I see enter the clinic has a very real, very critical reason to be there. On that day at that time she needs this medical procedure to carry on with her life. Whether it's because she is too sick, too young, just not ready, can't provide for another child, or has a non progressing pregnancy on that day she needs this form of medical care. It may seem "elective" to others but it is critical to HER life at that time. She doesn't owe anyone or any group an explanation  Regardless of what someone may believe about their God she is not beholden to another person's belief system or their interpretation of Christian teachings. What she does have to do is what is right for HER family and HER life. 
4. Clinic workers are not evil or greedy-
   Growing up as a fundamentalist Christian I always heard that people who worked at and owned abortion clinics are greedy, mean, and evil. They would perform abortions on women who aren't even pregnant. They hated children. They didn't care if women had problems afterwards they wouldn't talk to them. They just took their money and tossed them aside. The women and men at Jackson Womens Health Organization are nothing like that. I have watched staff talk women through being scared after losing their paperwork post op. I have heard our counselor on the phone with patients who had procedures weeks ago answering questions and making referrals. Unlike crisis Pregnancy Centers that call and call women to see what they decide, if women chose not to have a procedure the clinic wishes them the best and gives them referrals for resources. They don't badger them to change their mind. I know clinic staff have come together to help women who are $30 or $40 short for their procedure so they don't have to resort to some unsafe way of termination. Most are mothers, fathers, loving aunts and uncles so they don't hate children they love children. Rather than mean, greedy ,evil people I have seen compassionate, caring, ethical people. 
5. There is no compromising with anti choice protesters-
   When people see clinic protesters they often think these people must be the radical fringe of the movement. However, they are not. At the clinic I volunteer at many of our protesters are leaders in not only the pro life movement but the Mississippi Tea Party and the Republican party. This is important because they are also people with whom compromise is impossible. They truly believe that abortion is murder and have told me that I am an accessory to the American holocaust (I always want to ask why they think abortion is just a US problem). For them there is only one way to save ourselves and that is to stop legal abortion and of course to worship the Christian God in the same way they do. When you are dealing with religious zealots reason, logic, and science are all useless.  

I find my volunteer work extremely rewarding. I get the privilege of helping women during a scary and emotional time. I get to hear their stories offer them a smile or a laugh, sometimes a hand to hold. I often have patients and their families ask me why I would volunteer to be harassed by strangers. My answer is simple. If I can take some of the harassment so patients don't have to then that is fine with me. I remember what it was like to walk through protesters to access a clinic. Those people knew nothing of my life but felt qualified to condemn me. No one deserves that. What they do doesn't bring women closer to God in fact it drives them away. Patients just want to be left alone. They have prayed, cried, chanted, meditated or whatever it is that works FOR THEM before coming that day. They aren't stupid and don't need saving. Lastly, I think whether you believe abortion is right or wrong we should all be able to agree harassing, shaming, and intimidating women accessing LEGAL medical care is not right. It is not a symbol of God's love and it shouldn't be allowed in a free country. 

Plan B-FINALLY ACCESS FOR ALL!

As a woman in Mississippi I can't overstate how important today's court decision making emergency contraception truly a over the counter medication is. For women in my state access to Plan B has been a huge barrier to having a complete range of reproductive health care. Women here routinely have to go to 5-10 pharmacies to get Plan B and that's in the Jackson metro area. If you are in a rural area you can basically forget it. Having it OTC means women can stock up if they wish without having to show ID or face a pharmacist who by law can say they don't believe in birth control so they won't sell it. In a state with the highest teen pregnancy rate it baffles me why people would be so opposed to young women having access to emergency contraception when they need it without having to jump through hoops to get it. Today I heard "well it may interact with medication they are already taking so its not safe for them to get it on their own". Really? So it is more risky for them to buy than say Unisom or cough syrup two drugs that are contraindicated for some drugs and health conditions. So by this logic all OTCs are too dangerous for teens to buy. What of teen parents? Should they then be barred from buying baby medicine for their child? Are they too stupid to figure out the OTC meds then too? I could go down this rabbit hole all day but I won't because this is not why parents and right wing religious groups don't want young women to have access to Plan B. It is about perceived morality. 
There is a perception that back in the day we didn't have teens sleeping with each other before marriage. It wasn't until we had birth control and condoms that teens felt bold enough to sin openly and carry their bastard spawn to term (turning snark off).  That now teen pregnancy is worse than ever before. Yet those aren't the facts. Teen pregnancy is actually at the lowest point its been in decades. The teen birth rate in 1957 was 96.3 per 1000 teen girls age 15-19 in 2011 it was 31.3 per 1000 teen girls. My point is the "good old days" weren't so damn good and things like Plan B, condoms, abortion, and birth control aren't making girls more likely to be teen moms in fact THEY ARE LESS LIKELY TO BE TEEN MOMS THAN EVER! So I don't want to hear about how over the counter Plan B will make girls irresponsible or slutty. Let's be real that isn't what this is about. This is about parents who don't want to recognize their children grow up and become sexual with or without THEIR CONSENT. I get it I have kids, I have daughters no one wants their children to be sexually active young but give your kids credit. If they are going to the store to get Plan B and condoms that IS being responsible it is just being responsible for something that makes US uncomfortable.

Poor people are still hungry after the holiday season

Recently some very great big hearted friends of mine did a social media driven fundraiser for our local soup kitchen/food bank. Which made me think of something I think of every holiday season, poor people aren't only hungry during the holiday season. I know that my friends who put this together understand this. They are the type of people who give all year round. So this is not a direct statement for or about them. It is however a statement about how we as a culture like to only think about and value the poor seasonally. Many people put some money in the red kettle, drop some toys in the Toys 4 Tots container, maybe volunteer at a soup kitchen, and then for the rest of the year most of the country doesn't bother to think about what it really means to be poor in America.  To be clear, I as a mother living in poverty certainly appreciate and have benefited from holiday help, I have also donated. To have a traditional holiday meal is costly and when living on a tight budget it is an expense many of us just can't justify. Yet honestly what makes feeding us poor folk so much more important on those days?  I know people want everyone to have those special family moments that happen during holiday dinners. However, what about the importance of everyday family dinners? Why it is ok for children to go hungry, skip meals, and have to eat cheap unhealthy food the rest of the year? I raise these points to say hunger and poverty matter all year not just at holiday time and if you care than your support for programs that help should be ongoing. No matter your political beliefs there is something you can do. If you can't bring yourself to support government anti poverty programs, I won't ever agree with you but fine, support your local food bank/soup kitchen in some way ALL YEAR LONG. Volunteer, donate money, hold seasonal food drives at your church or social club there is much you can do. If you support government programs stand up for them write your congressperson and senators and help fight for them and that doesn't mean you can't help support your local grassroots anti hunger programs too. If you know a family struggling help them. If you know where the homeless people are FEED THEM! These things aren't rocket science they are missions of the heart. You want to help poor people have access to more fruits and vegetables support community gardens and workshops on container gardening. Newsflash food stamps can be used to  buy seeds to grow food. I know, I know I am one poor person with one small blog that no one reads but seriously this needed to be said and now I said it for 1 million US children that go hungry everyday and the parents who reduce their food or go hungry to feed their kids. Why because I am one of those families too. (Melissa Harris Perry recently did some great segments on what food insecurity especially related to families receiving SNAP ie food stamps looks like)

being thought of as a terrorist

Last weekend I was returning home from a conference and I had a lovely lavender sarong wrapped around my shoulders. As I was waiting for my transfer flight the sun was shining on the left side of my face so brightly that I couldn't read my book. So I took my sarong and wrapped it over my head shielding the side of my face but it also made me look like I may be covering my head for religious reasons. Apparently, to several people I looked Muslim because it didn't take long for the dirty looks to start. You know the you might be a terrorist looks. One particularly angry looking white man literally stopped about three feet in front of me and stared at me for about 2 mins. It was crazy I do not understand how our sisters wearing head coverings deal with it. Oddly enough when I received the scarf at the conference I had put it on my head and my friend said jokingly "Laurie you look like a white muslim". I almost wore it to the airport just so I could blog about what happened. Then I decided not to. Considered I had a horrible time with TSA due to the guy who pushed my wheelchair forgetting to take out my liquids its probably good I didn't. There is no telling how much worse the bad treatment I received would have been.  Frankly, I was tired and not in the mood for extra garbage from them but one day I still might. Sisters and brothers I am sick of this bias. Religious women have the right to wear head coverings without being publicly scorned. To draw a contrast there were several Mennonite women in the terminal at the very same time and while people certainly gave them some curious looks, probably thinking they were Amish, it wasn't scorn, hate, or pity. They wear head coverings too. 
Please know during this brief time I didn't feel bad for me I felt the pain of the women who couldn't just remove their head coverings when the sun stopped shining in their face or they got tired of being stared at because they are called by their beliefs to cover their head. No one should be made to feel suspect because they are honoring their religious belief. It was worse for me than when I am followed in a store for being black because it was more than suspicion it was palpable hatred. That man stared at me like he wanted to remove me from the building. In all my interactions with racism and I have had tons I haven't had that. I have felt unwelcome but not like if there were no other people there I may not have been safe. 
I caution those of us who are not Muslim or not of a faith that wears a head covering to understand that while we may understand racism we may have never walked in another women of color (or not of color there are white muslims) shoes where race and religion intersects and a whole other level of bigoted ugliness arises. It is all bad and certainly one is not worse than the other. We just need to respect the differences of experiences when we are discussing issues of race, religion, politics, and feminism as well. 

The shaming/ punishing of pregnant teens

Recently a charter school in Louisiana came under fire for their policy regarding teen pregnancy. They were going to (they repealed the policy) required any girl suspected of pregnancy to take a pregnancy test and refusal was seen as admission of pregnancy. Apparently pregnancy is not "in keeping with the school’s goals and objectives relative to character development" as stated in the schools handbook. Thus young pregnant slutty, amoral girls must be banished to home education programs or leave school completely.

Before I get to my thoughts on the removal pregnant students from school lets first go over what this school was really asking to do. They wanted to demand a teenager submit to a medical test AT SCHOOL, with no HIPPA protection apparently.  If the teenager simply feels this is a violation of her privacy or person she is then deemed to be pregnant and kicked out of school! If she does take the test and its positive she is kicked out of basically outing her situation to the entire school community. What if she didn't want them to know? What if she was raped or abused? What if she is planning on seeking an abortion and wanted to keep this between her family and God? Never mind all that, the teachers and staff at Dehli Charter School know what is best for this teens future.

As a homeschooler and doula I firmly believe homeschooling can be a viable option for a pregnant teen who is experiencing a difficult pregnancy. However, to force medical testing on young women and then force them out of school against their (and their parents) will to a home education environment is vile.Somehow in this schools policy there is no punishment for sexually active young men who impregnant young women. No request for paternity testing so they can kick him out as well. It is premised on a belief that "sluttiness" and immorality is catching and teen pregnancy needs to be punished.   These are backwards outdated beliefs. For all the years we enforced these codes of conduct as a nation teen births did not stop. Instead they happened ending in secret adoptions, shotgun weddings, or the social shame of single motherhood. 

Let's have some have facts. The teen pregnancy rate is the lowest its been in 30 years. So we are not in some code red emergency status level that some would have you believe. Yes teen pregnancy happens but in steadily declining numbers. This is not due to the other myth that teen girls are running out in droves getting abortions either since only 30% of teens choose to terminate their pregnancies.  In states that are requiring comprehensive sex education in schools, like New Hampshire, they are showing the lowest numbers of teen pregnancies. Compared with conservative states where abstinence only is the standard and teen pregnancy tends to be the highest. Like Louisiana where the teen birth rate is 6th  in the nation choose to keep offering teens abstinence only sex education or none at all and allowing schools to come up with policies such as these.

Teen parents don't need public shaming. I could tell tons of stories of how people told me that myself and my children would be nothing because I became a mom at 16. I often found it many of these people were "pro-life" just not pro-poor women raising their own kids. If we really want to address and curb teen pregnancy then we need to get honest with ourselves about sex and sexuality so we can be honest with our kids. We can't stop teen pregnancy when we think vagina is a dirty word and that telling kids about condoms will make them have sex. Clearly saying "just say no" hasn't worked either. There is mentoring and female empowerment programs. There are many ways to curb teen pregnancy but shaming and punishing young women is NOT the way. 

Of iPads, public housing and "what the poor should have"

So a couple weeks ago residents in a housing project in New Orleans were concerned about a demolition scheduled nearby due to health concerns over air quality. A pretty big story I would think. So who could have for seen that what really would get people going was a picture that accompanied the story that showed a boy sitting outside playing with an iPad. People emailed and called the reporter outraged that someone poor and on public assistance had the NERVE to own such a device. Resulting in a second story about the reaction to the picture in the first story <sigh>.

For me the attack on that kid felt so personal. Years ago in my family I decided technology would be a priority. In 1997 my twins had just been diagnosed with autism, they were only 3 years old, I had read somewhere that children with autism learned better with computers. So I went to Rent a Center and found a previously rented Packard Bell computer. I then bought every Jumpstart learning software program I could find and afford to teach my children colors, shapes letters, etc. It worked.  Kora would spend hours rocking back and forth using the program where she could press any key to get a response to learn. Soon she and Korina had mastered mouse control and simply games and were talking more. I remember when I first acquired internet the same year through a local provider. I thought internet was something only middle class people could afford and when I realized I could afford it I jumped at the chance. It opened up a world of knowledge to me. The internet and having access to it is how I learned about positive behavior reinforcement and other techniques to lessen my daughters harmful behaviors. Medicaid didn't cover applied behavioral therapy yet so I was on my own. Access to the internet made me a better parent.
Today I am sure if some people came in my house and saw the amount of technology we have they would think we shouldn't have it. . I have even had someone snap back at me once in a comment section when I said something regarding knowing about being on food stamps I must not be too poor I have internet. As if public libraries don't have internet and dial up is expensive. We have 9 computers in my house 4 desktops 5 laptops it has taken me years to acquire. I spent tax money and back child support one was a gift, one I paid for in payments. Almost every one was used and I am fortunate to have friends that fix computers. If  people are mad they are focusing on the wrong fucking thing! What people should be focused on in my house is what we DON"T have so we can have the tech we DO have. We rarely buy new clothes. My kids don't wear name brands. My kids have NEVER owned a video game system in fact they only have a Wii because its my bf's. We wear Payless shoes and used shoes. We make our own household cleaners and many of our health and beauty products too. We penny pinch A LOT.  I highly doubt that any middle class family would trade places with me. Internet and cable are our ONE luxury because we never go to the movies. Let's be real in today's world internet is not a luxury its a necessity. We constantly hear about the achievement gap. One of the factors is lack of access to technology. So we shouldn't be complaining when we see poor kids with iPads. We should be happy. Hell, that is one piece of useful technology. A child can do school research on an iPad.

My overall reaction to the story was SO FUCKING WHAT the kid has an iPad! In fact bravo to his mom. No one knows how he acquired his iPad and frankly WHO CARES! I wondered if the picture had included him sitting with a Nintendo DS would as many people noticed? I don't think so. That is something acceptable for poor kids to have and do. Keeps them stupid. I think it was because it is something many people want and many don't have that they pointed their fingers and said how dare he one of those people have something I can't have. It played perfectly into the welfare queen myth that Americans have been fed for 30 years now. It makes people feel better to judge others and they have something they don't deserve especially if we think we do. Even if we already have it we can sit back and say I earned mine and you didn't, so there!

The question we really need to be asking is what makes us so hateful and judgmental that we think the poor are not entitled to things that others are. I have heard arguments that poor people shouldn't be allowed to buy junk food with food stamps. I have heard arguments that poor people shouldn't be allowed to have cell phones, personalized license plates, fake nails, smoke cigarettes, drink beer, and any number of other things. My question is why do the poor need to held to a standard the rest of society is not? I know, I know I am living off your money but guess what most of us poor people use to work or do work so its our money too!  Even if we have never worked or never will work we are not a bunch of immoral children needing the general citizenry's guidance in every aspect of our lives. We are people just like you with hopes and dreams for ourselves and our children.  We save so our kids can have things we barter with friends the difference for us we are always living on the edge of disaster. One check could make us homeless, our housing my be hazardous to our health, our neighborhood might be dangerous, our job might barely pay the bills and all these problems don't have many options for solutions. That is the difference. When you look at a person in poverty with something you think they don't deserve you are basically saying they are less then you or they don't have the brains to acquire the next level of achievement. I am here to tell you when you do that it is classist, elitist, often sexist and racist and it needs to stop.